you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
