Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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