if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
