i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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