He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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