fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
