Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
