I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
