I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
