So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
