Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
