i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
