I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
