Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
