Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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