God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
