It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
