Dual....:-)
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You were trust falling into bushes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
