: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
