my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Drunk is not a location!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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