dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you traded sex for a burrito?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
