i'm signing you up for texting rehab
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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