Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize