She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
