If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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