Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
