I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
