I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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