All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
