Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if only i could text you this smell
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
