if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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