ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
