we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
