hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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