Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
