i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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