i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
