is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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