2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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