...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
