she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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