how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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