You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
