alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize