and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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