last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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