If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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