3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You're my little dorito
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize