My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize