I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
