I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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