i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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