cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
