CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
