I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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