i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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