we made out on top of his cat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
