We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
