Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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