it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
babies were throwing up all over the place
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
