you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
