Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
