Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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