just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
