I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
