Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
50% drunk capacity currently
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
