Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
