I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
