Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
