yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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