you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
