I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
