So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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